The Rules of Couples Porn

There are a set of rules governing behavior in couples pornographic films. These rules do not apply to life outside of couples porn or seem to exist where I live. Attempts to replicate these rules in public can result in incarceration and registration on numerous databases. My sociological and anthropological background led me to study and document these rules to benefit society.

Rule #1: That Is A Big Penis

Couples Porn Review - Jessie Rogers admires a penis

“I’ve never seen one so large before…”

“My, what a large penis you have. I am suddenly overcome with desire and want to have sex.”

Rule #2: Those Are Wonderful Boobs

Couple's Porn Reviews - Tommy admires Samantha's Breasts

“Thank you for showing me your magnificent breasts.  Yes, I am married or have a girlfriend who might be in the next room or downstairs.   I am overcome and horny at the sight of your breasts.  Let’s have sex.”

Couple's Porn Reviews -Tommy gets a handful of Samantha

Piercings! I love piercings!

Rule #3: That Is A Pretty Pussy

Couple's Porn Reviews - Alexis asks Johnny to look at her breasts

“Pretty pussy. Pretty pussy.
I can’t remember the rest of the lyrics. But it is a great song.”

“Ah, you have a vagina. Yes, it does look nice. Yes, I am married or have a girlfriend who might be in the next room or downstairs. I am overcome at the sight of your beautiful vagina. Let’s have sex.”

Rule #4: I Kissed A Girl

Couples Porn Reviews - India gets a handful of breast

“I have never kissed a woman before but since you kissed me I am down to fuck. I will now demonstrate master level lesbionic skills beyond what I should have.”

Couple's Porn Reviews - Alyssa gets a taste of India

Rule #5: Milf Corollary 1: Thank You For The Breast Massage.

Couple's Porn Reviews - Danny rubs Nikki into the mood

This is inappropriate and wrong. But since you are massaging my breasts with such enthusiasm and vigor, I’m down.

“You are my student, neighbor, son’s friend, etc and have carried a crush on me for a while. That is so flattering. Oh, you are massaging my breasts. That feels good. Yes, let’s have sex. That is a great idea.”

What rules am I missing?

Have fun and good luck,
Charlie

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